she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
