Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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