According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Damn victory sex feels great
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
