Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
