Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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