I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
