At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
