well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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