I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
