the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
