Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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