if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
