I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
