just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
