Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
