There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why did my mother make you get naked?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
