can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
