Porn is love you can see.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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