I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
