ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
