Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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