I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
