Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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