So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
