Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
