I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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