Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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