She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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