There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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