i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
