"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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