and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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