That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
