they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
