Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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