K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
