he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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