We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
