I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
