I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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