rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
