Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
