On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
