I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
