Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
