im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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