I'm really into asian looking animals
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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