if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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