Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
