Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
